Empty Space
I'm overdue for a post. Truth is, I don't have much inspiration. My heart and mind and soul have been busy processing and thinking and taking in and responding and being confused.
Life is good. I have a free place to live. I have a free car to drive. I have jobs that pay good money. I'm meeting good people. God provides faithfully. And mercifully. I am learning that.
But life is hard, too. Leaving a place where you belong is hard, no matter how much you feel like you need to move on. I've been here for two months. I've met some great people. I've had some good times with one of my best friends.
But I don't have that feeling of belonging. And that, in all honesty, has been the cause of many a tear. Who woulda thunk?
I'm in a suburb full of people, near a city full of people. I live with people. I work with people. I talk to people.
But I don't really laugh. Like the hearty laugh that makes your abs hurt. I don't drop in on people. I don't share memories. I don't have history with anyone. I don't share a common purpose with anyone.
I'm not really part of anything.
I don't belong.
So that's me right now. I'm not trying to get people to feel sorry for me or anything. Just reflecting on how much community can be taken for granted. On how much I need it. On how much I had it.
God, if nothing else, let this empty space, this hole left by the sense of disappearing community, let this empty space be filled by YOU. Teach me now the things I couldn't learn then. Teach me.
Life is good. I have a free place to live. I have a free car to drive. I have jobs that pay good money. I'm meeting good people. God provides faithfully. And mercifully. I am learning that.
But life is hard, too. Leaving a place where you belong is hard, no matter how much you feel like you need to move on. I've been here for two months. I've met some great people. I've had some good times with one of my best friends.
But I don't have that feeling of belonging. And that, in all honesty, has been the cause of many a tear. Who woulda thunk?
I'm in a suburb full of people, near a city full of people. I live with people. I work with people. I talk to people.
But I don't really laugh. Like the hearty laugh that makes your abs hurt. I don't drop in on people. I don't share memories. I don't have history with anyone. I don't share a common purpose with anyone.
I'm not really part of anything.
I don't belong.
So that's me right now. I'm not trying to get people to feel sorry for me or anything. Just reflecting on how much community can be taken for granted. On how much I need it. On how much I had it.
God, if nothing else, let this empty space, this hole left by the sense of disappearing community, let this empty space be filled by YOU. Teach me now the things I couldn't learn then. Teach me.
posted by Thais at 11:23 AM
3 Comments:
dude...no painful ab laughing? you'd better save up and fly me out there!! ;)
hey poodle...
I just randomly felt like checking up on you. I haven't read your blog in a while :( Life over here is amazingly busy. I am having the most amazing time tho. God has blessed me so much with people in my block, my course and the cu. :) I do get bouts of homesickness tho. This is the longest I've ever been away from home & Switz. Its difficult when all the UK students go home at the weekends :(. I'm so excited about going back at Christmas, I know I'll appreciate Switz. all the more and when I come back the notts, I'll appreciate it all the more. The campus is beautiful! And we've all become really close really quickly - I suppose thats what happens when you live with people 24/7 in halls. :)
I can't imagine how hard it must be to be continually making new friends, from school, Switz., YFC, Uni, Crossroads, now this. You have memories scattered everywhere. You sound like you've got the world's problems weighed down on your shoulders. Stand up straight, and ask God for rest. Put on Jimmy Eat World "the middle" - Jump up and down and move every muscle in your body. :) matt 11: 25-29
Take time to pray and let God lead you. You have been back and forth searching for your plan, where to go, where to be lead to. You have dropped everything and followed Christ to thailand and to chicago!. That in itself is so amazing!!! God is stretching you to your limit so that you have to come to Him, to seek HIS love, the love and comfort and satisfaction that ONLY Jesus can give you. He wants you to reside in Him. Working at starbucks and being in Geneva last summer- you were in your comfort zone. Now you are somewhere new, different...challenging. Take the plunge:D
Can't wait to see you & hear everything!!!!!
i'll be praying for you ...
Phil 4:6 - don't worry about anything, but in all your prayers ask God for what you need, always asking him with a thankful heart.
Psalm 61
xxx Lindsey
but no one...no one has the same kind of abs-aching laughing that thais & my frappies do....pppphhhhounex :D
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