Goodness

I am feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.
Good hangout time with people from church.
I am in love with a Joshua Radin song called "These Photographs."
I love having a house to myself.
Nights are cooling down and I can hear crickets.
I love moments like these.

What?!

The one year bible is having me read through the book of Romans right now. I'm reminded how much i really don't get this whole predestination thing. It makes me want stop being a Christian. I do not understand how God can create people just as objects of wrath (Romans 9:13-24). I understand that a potter has the right to create some pots for decoration and some for trash. But pots don't have souls or feelings or hearts or tears.
How can God call some to Himself while He lets others' hearts harden?

How can i trust - really trust - a God like that???

The answers i want to give myself are:
- look at Jesus - He radically loved everyone. Preoccupy yourself with following his teachings and imitating his life.
- His ways are not your ways. Trust that God is good, even though it may seem completely foolish.
- "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."

But still, I am highly bothered. This seems to be the thorn in my side, the one that keeps coming back...

Growing Up

I remember reading the first few chapter of Thomas Merton's book Seven Story Mountain some years ago. He describes the little French village he grew up in, noting how the village's layout pointed to God. The church was at the center of the village, and it sat on a hill. All the activity was based around the church. That square was where people gathered, where teenagers hung out, where families got their milk and bread.
I grew up in such a village, but never thought twice about its layout.
But I can see how God has had his hand on me since the day I was born. Last night, I heard some Taize hymns and some greek Orthodox chants - the music plunged me into memories of growing up in my little French village. Every Sunday, my family went to church. The kids didn't understand what was going on (the liturgy was all in Greek) but we knew it was meaningful. We weren't talked down to, or exaplained everything. But there was a deep awareness of God. An awe. A curiosity. Something sacred.
I am just starting to see how all these elements - the village, the rituals of church, praying before meals - shaped me. It wasn't cognitive. I didn't understand much of it. But it shaped my soul. It prepared the way. It taught me reverence and awe. It is part of how I understand God and God's ways today.
And I'm really thankful for those early years.

Alive

I had a conversation today with a friend I met in a class I took during the winter quarter. It was the kind of conversation that leaves you on a high because you feel like you've been heard, encouraged, and challenged all at the same time. A conversation full of the Spirit of God. One thing he said that I want to give a lot of thought and prayer to, was that it might be more in my giftings to inspire and influence people to cultivate a heart for the world and the poor, rather than to go live and serve directly among them. I hadn't thought about that before, and I think he may be on to something.
I've been back in Pasadena for a couple weeks now, and God has been showing up everywhere. I feel like I'm being constantly reminded of who He made to be, and the kinds of things He may want me to do. He continues to teach me about hospitality - and His goodness - through the new family I'm living with. And He is drawing me to Himself in a way I hadn't experienced in a long time - I am finding both time and the desire to be with Him, to pray, to read the Word. How revitalising! It is so easy to lose perspective, and to become self-rigtheous and self-sufficient... It's quite gross, really...