Eloquent Living

I have always been a little uneasy about evangelism - especially when it is understood as something you "go out and do" in addition to your normal Christian living. And the whole proclamational thing usually makes me shudder and squirm.
Yet in the book of Acts, Paul does some proclamational evangelism: he talks to a multitude of people about Jesus. So I should be ok with this format, right?
Well, maybe. You see, Paul always seems to be answering a question when he gives evangelistic sermons to the crowds. Always! Why?
Because the way these early Christians lived evoked a question. The activity of God in their lives demanded an explanation.
What the heck is going on here? Are these people drunk? How come these followers of the Way can heal crippled beggars?
And so Paul replies. He explains. He recounts the story of God. He explains who Jesus is and how He fits in to God's redemptive plan. He seeks to answer their questions.

The way Christians live their lives should result in a lot of questions from an onlooking crowd. If people aren't encountering something different in us, why would they care about what we have to say about God? If knowing God isn't changing our external lives, then why would anyone want to know God?
And if people aren't coming to know Jesus, is it because they are hard hearted and blind, or is it because we aren't living lives that entice a question?
Why are you chosing to give your money away? Why are you so hospitable? Why is it that you spend your lives with the people who are regularly frowned down upon, when you could be earning more money doing something else? Why are you always so ready to help? Why do you respect me? How can you keep forgiving this person?
If the questions are asked of us, of me, of you, then I'm all for proclamation. But only if the questions are asked.
And if they're not asked, then what is wrong with my life that people aren't curious about it? In the words of my transformational development professor, "we need to get down on our knees and ask God why our life and our work are so unremarkable that they never result in a question relating to what we believe and whom we worship".

God, please help us live eloquent lives.

on being missional

I have come across the word "missional" a lot - it is one of those words the emerging church uses a lot. But I never really understood what it meant. Like, I couldn't define what a missional church was, really, apart from the fact that it was a church that saw itself as being a missionary to the community in which it met.
But after reading the first couple chapters of The Shaping Of Things To Come, I am starting to grasp the meaning of the word.
And I love it.
A missional church seeks to infiltrate the community. I love that word, infiltrate. It's like we really are supposed to win over the community with salt and light in ways that a traditional church can't really do if its members stay within the church walls.
The missional church is not attractional (as in, it doesn't try to attract people into their building), but rather, it sends out its people into the community. It is focused outwards.
The authors of the book compare their vision for missional church to Vivanne Rocher's (the main character in the movie Chocolat) chocolate shop. Through engaging people in the austere little village, Vivianne changes lives and brings healing and colour to peoples' existence. This is what the church should be doing! Not waiting for people to come and join a church-sponsored event, but going out and hanging out with the people, creating relationships and deep friendships along the way. Along with deep friendship, comes sharing of life philosophies and purpose. What better way - what better context - to share the hope we have in Jesus? It starts with showing a watching people the kind of community Christians have - not talking about it. If we are striving for Christ-likeness, it will be wholly other, and very attractive... And we necessarily include people into our "church" (i.e. community of friends) wherever they are on the spiritual quest, just by being in relationship with them.
I love this vision (and this post does not do it justice at all). I hope I can be part of a church like this.
I love that I have to read this book for class!

Sweet Provision

Being a Christian rocks.
It's like you're part of a huge family (some of your siblings you have a really hard time with, granted).
I randomly called someone from Mosaic to see if they could give me a ride to church tomorrow. They couldn't, but they hooked me up with someone who could.
It's cool to be part of a family where people take care of eachother, even when they don't know you.

In other news, I went hiking this morning with a friend from Geneva. To be in the mountains again was like water to my soul. We hiked up to a waterfall, found a comfortable spot to sit in, and proceeded to study.
There's nothing like the feeling that everyting might finally be falling into place. I found a place to live yesterday, and here I was today, reading about how to be a Christian development worker, at the base of a waterfall in the middle of the mountains!
There are still many details that need working out. But days like today remind me that God is so very sweet in His provision.

Fuller

Wow. I'm finally there. Seminary. How strange to think that this might well be my home for the next two or three years. It is a scary thought for someone like me, who tends to move around a lot.
But Fuller can keep me here. The classes, the conversations, the people, the environment, the weather (!).I was looking up churches in the area - Erwin McManus' Mosaic meets 5 minutes away. This might be my new church home.
I feel like I'm finally where I need to be: a place where I will be challenged to act upon all the thoughts and ideas that have been brewing in my mind lately. One class requires me to be part of a peace making group. Another one requires me to blog about my experiences in emerging churches (um, wait, I think I'm already doing that!). I will be pushed to be active. God knows that is what I need.
I want the details to be figured out - a permanent place to live, a car to drive, a laptop I don't have to borrow - because I feel like I'm on the brink of a sweet awakening experience. It can't be hampered by stress induced freaking out!
So off I go to the housing services office.
Life is good.

Sometimes, I just can't.

Yesterday, at Border's in Los Angeles, I discovered the "Real Life Preacher". He's been blogging for quite a while, and has had so much success, that they published a book of his most popular posts.
I randomly picked up that book, and started reading it. And was hooked. In a post about his growing up, he writes:
"There was a leeetle problem though. Early on it became apparent that something was different about me. I couldn’t make myself believe some parts of the bible. I was a natural born skeptic [...] I wanted to believe. Believing seemed nice, but I couldn’t. I COULD NOT. I felt strange and out of place because everyone else at church seemed to believe everything." [read his complete story here]
I related to that so strongly that I had to put the book down and think about it for a while.

I have just come to LA after spending five days in Dallas with my friend Whitney and her friends. We had many good conversations. The kind that get you all fired up and excited about life and all its intricacies. But some converations made me feel very... different. They were the conversations about praying or reading the Bible or depending on God for things. Some people have such simple faith. They talk to God and believe that He listens and responds. Really believe. I envy them.
I envy them because when I sit down and pray, I often wonder if there is any use in it. I wonder sometimes if God hears me. I wonder if my prayer will change anything.
I envy them because more often than not, my Bible-reading time just leaves me more confused about life instead of inspired and spiritual.
I want to believe. But sometimes, I can't. I just CANNOT.

When I read Real Live Preacher, I felt like I wasn't the only one. It spoke to my soul.

I will never walk away from Jesus. He is all I know. He gives me purpose and passion and a desire to change the world. He makes me want to love people I don't want to love. Having faith in Him is hard for me. But at the end of the day, it is good. And I thank Him for His grace.