Les Clins d'Oeil de Dieu...

God is so good to me! Check this out:
I needed a job, but I had no motivation to go get one. I handed in one resumé. To Starbucks.
They hired me the next day on a 40% contract.

I've kept complaining about how hard it's been to process my stay in Thailand when nothing around me reminds me of Thailand, because it's such a completely different culture.
The day of my training, I found out one of my future co-workers is from Thailand. I work the same shifts, so I get to practice my thai, and be reminded of the five months I spent there.

I needed more hours.
Two days after Starbucks hired me, my manager said he'd give me a full time contract.

I was bummed because my manager made me work on the night of a Shema gathering.
It turns out they're moving Shema to next week, because the church has been double-booked.

I love it! Thank You God, for providing for me like this. Thanks for the divine winks. Help me overflow with You so that the people around me would be drawn to You.

2 Timothy 3:12

I love it when pastors do not shy away from preaching about the difficulties and challenges of following Christ. I love it even more when those pastors are pastoring my Church... This morning's sermon had me in tears almost all the way through... Ian talked about a faith that isn't "cool" and trendy. He talked about a faith that requires sacrifice and suffering...
Jesus' call is not the easy highway. It's a narrow road, a road less travelled, a road that doesn't always look all that appealing. But what a road it is!! I'll leave you with two versions of the verse that cut me to the heart...

- 2 Timothy 3:12 -

"In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted..." [NIV]

"Anyone who wants to live all out for Christ is in for a lot of trouble; there's no getting around it..." [The Message]

All this postmodern stuff...

As most of you know, I think a lot. Too much, actually. But bear with me for a moment... I've been thinking a lot about the whole postmodern thing, lately. I mean, when I was in Thailand, my postmodern thinking was pretty much on hold because I was so far removed from Western culture, where the fading modern and emerging postmodern paradigms are so in your face. Or maybe it's just that I was too busy learning a language, trying to communicate with kids, and taking in the culture all around me.
But here, I'm faced with my questions every day. They are relevant and their answers will change the way I live my life, and therefore change the way I do ministry. But what is it that's behind of all this postmodern thing for me? Why am I so eager to figure this out? In reading "Stories of Emergence" this morning, it hit me.
It's not that I'm trying to be trendy or exploring alternative ways of doing things. It's not that I want to feel educated and culturally relevant. It's not that I'm trying to be confrontational and difficult and hard to please...
It's just that I'm deeply dissatisfied with evangelical Christianity as it is today. I don't want mediocrity when it comes to the Christian life. Jesus calls us to be different, to be sold out, to be worshippers, to be counter-cultural, and in so doing to engage culture.
It cannot be the easy road that is so often painted by people who want to appease seekers - though it is the most fulfilling, and the one filled with most joy. Following Jesus is radical goshdarnit!!
I want to be part of a church community that challenges me - not by its preaching, but by the way it embodies Christianity, the way it embodies relationship with Christ. I want a church that is deep, that transforms people, that prays together (not just within its leadership), that loves Jesus, that seeks more than to simply entertain me on a Sunday morning. I want a church that serves the community around it, fleshing out the Gospel message... Is that too much to ask?
And so my quest continues... And I guess these desires are typical of my generation - and I guess that's why I am excited about all the "postmodern stuff" happening in the Church. It resonates with me in a way that most "normal" evangelical churches don't... I don't want to, once again, be behind culture and play catch-up to it. We should be in the forefront - why be satsifed with less?

My legs feel like they're about to fall off - I suppose that's what happens after a seven-hour shift at Starbucks. Yup, I'm on the payroll again, back in the coffee shop ambiance, back doing a good old menial job. God is good, though - I was initially hired with a 40% contract, but my manager said he'd give me a full-time contract - after only two days of work! The funds will start coming in again, praise-a-lluyah! I now know the inside secrets to caramel machiattos and mocha frappucinos. I can barely handle the excitement... Or something ;)
You know, something in me is telling me to feel bad that I'm working for a large American corporation such as Starbucks. But hey, it pays decent and it's the only place I can get tasty coffee that is not just a simple espresso. And they have always have good music playing... So there!
Hasta la vista!

I don't know if there is anything more touching, more encouraging, more challenging, or more inspiring, than to see God at work in a person's heart. Not just any person's heart. A thirteen year old boy's heart. One untainted by mediocre Christianity. One who has freshly ENCOUNTERED the person of Jesus - not simply read about Him in a Sunday School book.

"Jesus, c'est celui qui donne un sens à ma vie. Sans lui, je me suiciderais. J'aurais rien. Quand je vois les montagnes, ou quand j'entends de la musique, je vois la beauté de Dieu."

I'm speechless. All my words and theories and good intentions are quieted by the simplicity of a heart that's being transformed by Jesus Himself...

On My Mind Today...

Yesterday was a day that sort of stopped me in my tracks. I sat down and figured out all my "finance stuff". With 500 swiss francs to my name, I'm more broke than I thought I was. It makes the job-finding a necessity, and an urgent one at that. It's good, because it will force me to pray about it, and really seek God out for provision. But it's also a wee bit stressful...
I've been thinking a lot about what to do in the near future. It feels like that's all I think about, in fact. Is there a purpose for me here in Geneva? Am I staying because it's safe? Is there room for all that God wants to develop in me here? Or would I grow more elsewhere? Could I be learning more things if I was working-to-make-money in Brussels or in the US? Why is God reconnecting me to old friends that I haven't really hung out with in years? Why hasn't Starbucks called yet? Do I want to - should I - get involved in ministries here? What is the future of Shema - is it something I should stay in Geneva for?
So there's a glimpse into my recent questionings.I can't seem to make up my mind about anything, but I do know that whatever it is I chose to do, God will have His hand in it, and it will be good. Awesome, even.

Stir My Affection

I don't know if this is just the logical continuation of "re-entry" but I am slowly coming back to life. I can see many things that God has drawn my attention to during the last few days, and those have stirred my dying affection...
One of my friends is writing me emails about lost passion and hunger for God - they remind me of a time when life was filled with purpose, fuelled by prayer, and driven by passion.
Another friend is challenging me to think beyond my notions of what church planting should and should not look like. I am thinking with a purpose again.
A short Shema retreat enabled me to connect with Christian Asssociates people again - they inspire me, though I can't put my finger on why. I am reminded that I do not have to stuggle through ideas and methods alone. I can benefit from others' ideas and inner debates too.
Worship through song is moving me - I can sing from the heart again. Yesterday I strummed the guitar for hours, offering songs to God, communing with Him at a deeper level. That hadn't happened in months.
Derek Webb's new songs have just reached my ears. He is brilliant, and gives me hope for the future of the Church.
Let's hope this is just the beginning of a stirring that will spur me on for the next few months...

Why I love Derek Webb

I repent (by derek webb)
i repent, i repent of my pursuit of america's dream
i repent, i repent of living like i deserve anything
of my house, my fence, my kids, my wife
in our suburb where we're safe and white
i am wrong and of these things i repent

i repent, i repent of parading my liberty
i repent. i repent of paying for what i get for free
and for the way i believe that i am living right
by trading sins for others that are easier to hide
i am wrong and of these things i repent

i repent judging by a law that even i can't keep
of wearing righteousness like a disguise
to see through the planks in my own eyes

i repent, i repent of trading truth for false unity
i repent, i repent of confusing peace and idolatry
by caring more of what they think than what i know of what we need
by domesticating you until you look just like me
i am wrong and of these things i repent

1 Peter 5:8

"Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up." - 1 Peter 5:8
Poised to pounce - what a good way to put it. He is there, waiting for you to let your guard down, waiting for an oportunity to attack you where it hurts.
My guard's been down for a good three weeks.
First, he robbed me of my joy.
Then he crept into my relationships with my family.
Now he's tinkering with my closest friendships!
But he has lost the battle. His only weapon is deception. And I don't have to believe those lies. So I renounce them. I'm done napping.

sunrise, chambésy, 7:13am

Thank you, Starfield

I feared God had stopped using songs to bring me back towards Him. [Every time I've tried to worship Him through song recently, I've felt unmoved, fake, and bored.] But I've been listening to Starfield - and a couple songs seem to be finding their way into my heart. I am trying to pray through them, rather than only listening distantly...

I'm always sitting here just waiting for a revelation
Is it ever gonna come?
All this searching yet my destiny is still unfound
Makes me realise this world will always let me down
So it seems that the only hope I ever had
Was everything that You are.
I'm falling down,
Tumbling After You.
I'm overwhelmed,
Tripping over simple truth.
In all I've found
There's nothing that's more beautiful
Than what I've found in You.
-- Starfield, Tumbling After --

Where has all the passion gone?

I am realising how easy it is to live superficially. How easy it is to forget what living out of your heart feels like. How easy it is to let days fly by, one after the other after the other after the other. That is not how I want to live.
I want purpose and passion and challenge and joy and communion and life.
There are people - very few people - who spur me on in that direction; whose very examples of an abundant life create such a thirst in me, that I can do nothing but seek to quench it.
God, I really need those people right now...

Flaming Inconsistency

I have not spent any quality time with God since I got back.
That's how lazy/fake/ungraetful/human I am.
Did I learn anything in Thailand????