Heart-Handicap

Today: overwhelmed and restless.
I took a twenty minute walk into the hills, away from everything, and sat.
A lady came along, walking a mentally handicapped woman up the hill. The latter kept grunting and having convulsions. They communicated in sign language. The caretaker was patient, and gentle, and so kind. I wanted to cry as I stared stupidly.
I thought to myself: I am heart-handicapped. My selfishness is like an ugly tumor enveloping my heart. It makes me grunt and go into convulsions. It puts a limp into my walk and a harshness in my tone. It hampers my communication.
Yet there is a God who walks up the hill with me. He is patient and kind, and his love, strangely enough, endures forever.

And Isn't It Ironic?

The family I live with is getting their house "staged" so that it sells better. This means that some highly payed individual comes in, looks around, and proceeds to apply her suburbanite savvy to the house's general look. This has taken the form of plush towels, furniture re-placement, house plants, and muffin-smelling aromas.
I kid you not.
Here's the funny part. The guest bathroom now has a stack of three books laying on the back of its toilet. The books happen to be mine. Their titles: "Walking With The Poor", "The Politics of Jesus", and "Just Peacemaking". Just in case you wanted to do a little light, pro-suburban-life reading while you're going about your business.

Am I alone in thinking that irony doesn't get much better than this?

Breathe Holiness

When my friends are in dire need of prayer, I am much more likely to read the Bible. Funny, how that happens... So I read different Psalms in The Message this morning, over a fresh cup of French-pressed coffee. Aaaah, coffee and the Bible - you gotta love it. In Psalm 51, David pleads with God : "don't fail to breathe holiness in me".
I thought that was beautiful.
God. Breathing. Holiness. In. Me.
Wow.
I continued the day by hiking up a mountain behind my house - I got to a place where I could see all of LA and beyond, all the way to the next mountain range. It was breathtaking. I sat under a tree and gave some long thoughts to all the stuff that's been going on around me. It's always good to get a little perspective. Mountains are a good place for that. When you're surrounded with so much beauty, it's not as difficult to see God's goodness. Our vision can get so small and narrow sometimes... We begin to fear and fret and worry and doubt. Our hearts hurt, our souls grow cold, our spirits sink.
Yet God doesn't fail to breathe holiness in us.
So take a deep breath.

Suburbia

"While the ghettos may have their share of violence and crime, the suburbs are the home of the more subtle demonic forces - numbness, complacency, comfort - and it is these that can eat away at our souls." - Shane Claiborne

I do not like suburbia. Yet I am so often there.
God, use me while I'm in the suburbs too...

Past Week

I can't explain this past week. I don't know where to start, or even whether I should start. I don't have the words to explain the overwhelming sense I have that God's Spirit is moving. Everywhere.
I don't know that I have ever prayed this much. Prayers that actually mean something to me, not just words that I'm borrowing. Prayers that drain me, even if they last for only fifteen seconds.
I have had conversations that are long and deep and that keep me awake at night.
I am exhausted, and ever more convinced that God is very much at work and involved in our lives.
In the past week, the Mom of the family I live with has become one of my favourite people on this planet. The family is moving in June. I thought I'd left the incessant goodbyes in Geneva. But it looks like they're following me wherever I go.
Still, this week has been amazing.
And Aslan is on the move.

Songs Of The Moment

Looks like I'm in one of my music obsession phases again. Daydreaming about making mix CDs and which songs would go in what order. Taking the long route to places just so I can listen to one more song in the car. It's a little distracting with all the papers I'm supposed to be writing right now. And not a good mix with the emptiness of my bank account...
Here are some of the songs of the moment [a little more mellow than usual...]:
Patrick Park - Your Smile Is A Drug
David Gray - Lately
Tyler Hilton - Rolling Home
Coldplay - Fix You
Matt Wertz - External Fix-It Remedies
Mourning September - Glorietta
Sojourn Worship - You Are My God

On Repeat1

"My heart is full of this noble theme for my King
So let these words fill up the pages full of praise
You are my God, You are my everything
You are my God, You are my everything

You make the stars burn brighter
You are beautiful
I hear the angels sing
You are beautiful
You are so lovely
You are beautiful
You are so beautiful
You are beautiful."
- Ben Pasley, Robin Pasley

Ash Wednesday

"Father in Heaven,
the light of your truth bestows sight
to the darkness of sinful eyes.
May this season of repentance
bring us the blessing of Your forgiveness
and the gift of Your light.
Grant this through Christ our Lord."

"Remember you are dust,and to dust you shall return"