Untitled

I guess you just won't understand
Why it is I do the things I do.
It's too bad you don't even try.
And if I have to be your failed child
Then so be it.
The others will make up for it.
Just look at the frickin' gleam in their eye.

Outside the Bubble

Spent the afternoon outside the proverbial bubble, hanging out with two friends I had through middle school and high school. It helped me realise a few things.

Maybe I don't have a masters yet.
Maybe I haven't experienced a passionate romance.
Maybe I don't have a job yet.
And maybe I still live with my parents.
But you know what?

My outlook on life is not bleak. I have not been burned emotionally. I am not overly cynical. I have dreams and purpose and intellectual stimulation. I have had jobs and experiences that have brought me joy. I have friends that see into my soul and who speak into it as well. I still believe in love. And I love life. I really do.

It's good to break outside the bubble! And, it's also good to see old friends, and reminisce, and laugh. I hope we do it more.

Alternate Realities

My friend Josh and I have talked a lot about this. Alternate realities, that is. It's like there's so many different worlds out there, and when you move from one into another, it's hard for your mind and your heart to keep track.
Life in Switzerland has resumed. Nothing's really changed. And yet I am here, with five months of something big behind me. But everything feels so normal! I check my email, I listen to new CDs, I hang out with people, I get involved in ministry, blah blah blah.
Not to say I don't like that. But what's going to happen to those five months? Where did they even go? It feels like another lifetime ago.
It was only two weeks ago.
I miss the sense of discovery. Of wanting to figure things out. Of seeing daily progress. Of feeling useful.
I miss the smells, the heat, the sounds, the language.
But that's only when I start to remember. Because to be honest, life is back to "normal", and I tend to forget I was even there...

Re-entry, or something.

It feels like I've been all over the spectrum with this whole re-entry thing. At first, everything just felt really weird. The fact that everything felt so normal felt weird. Being back in Bellevue felt weird. Trying to share my experiences with my family felt weird.
A couple days ago, I had no desire to be here. It felt like no one understood me - that no one was even trying to understand me.
But today, I'm happy to be here. I played in the snow with friends. I went back to Crossroads, and re-discovered the beauty of a church community. I went for a destinationless drive with my sister, listening and singing along to good worship songs. Yes, today was a good day.
We'll see what tomorrow brings...

Thailand - two days before departure

Mosaic

I feel like all I am is a mosaic of fragmented selves. A disconnected whole. I live out of different selves, depending on who I am with. Sometimes I am the Macalester college student. Sometimes I am the passionate Christian. Sometimes I am the musician. Sometimes I am the intellectual. But it seems like I am never all of those at once.