nothing new under the sun

I spent some time reading past posts from this blog - it seems that the same things keep coming up. My regret at needing people's approval so much, my desire for a relationship with Christ over a new theology, my feeling of loss over moves and friendships.
And as I sit here in Nashville, I'm thinking about all those things all over again.
I'm thinking about how self-centered I can get, and how much correction I need. I'm thinking about how much I lack discipline in seeking Christ, and how much more I need to conform to Him and His ways. I'm thinking about how much I hate goodbyes and how they follow me everywhere I go. I'm thinking about how much I miss involvement in meaningful things.
I feel like I need someone - or a group of people - who will not let me get away with laziness, with bad attitudes, and selfishness. People who will gently force me into a rythm of devotion to God. People who are in love with God and passionate about living out His Kingdom.
I am so tired - and scared! - of living with this sense of mediocrity, this sense of restlesness, this sense that there is so much more I could be doing, so much more I could be becoming.